There’s a disturbing trend going on with Halloween. Two trends, really. The first is changing the night Halloween falls on. When I was a kid, we went Trick or Treating on October 31st. It didn’t matter whether it was school night or not. Now different communities celebrate on different nights!

Last night we were sitting at home, winding down a little birthday dinner and cake for Jaime when a knock at the door signaled the arrival of our first ghouls and goblins of the evening. By 7 we would see all our candy dispensed to the hordes that descended on us. But this was the 30th! It was still a school night so how is it reasonable to come out the day before? Add to that the fact that only people with children get to hear about the change in nights and its even more frustrating.

The second, and far more infuriating, change is the prevalence of the adolescent, costume-less trick or treater. I hate these little buggers. You know who they are. Their about fourteen and come to the door wearing street clothes and a scowl. They ring your doorbell and just stick out their bags without so much as a “trick or treat” or “Happy Halloween.” I’m very upset that I’m not yet crusty enough to spray them with a hose and slam the door on them. I can’t do this because I have enough work to do around the house without cleaning up toilet paper and eggs from the exterior of the building.

In the end, the little kids are very cute and I still like the holiday. I just wish that we could leave it on the day its supposed to be and treat it as just a little bit more than a way to score free candy. Next a sign goes up on our front door “If you’re not wearing a costume, you’re not gettin’ candy!”